Austin airport considering closing its restaurants even earlier in the day

AUSTIN, TX — The Austin International Airport is considering a new proposal that would see its airport restaurants close even earlier than they already do in light of the fact they really don’t want any business anyway and certainly not business travelers coming in on late flights.

Steve Jones was pretty shocked when he landed at the Austin International Airport (AUS) last Thursday night. His flight arrived from Phoenix at 7:55 PM and he planned to grab a quick dinner before his connection to New Orleans took off. However, Jones was shocked when, after finally deplaning, he realized that literally every restaurant in the airport was already closed, having shut down at 7 or 8PM (depending on the restaurant) despite many flights and travelers still coming in for several more hours.

As hunger pangs shot through his body Jones was forced to spend $47 at the one open convenience store for his dinner where he bought beef jerky, a bag of Doritos, a Payday bar, and a bottle of water. As he waited in line with about 120 other travelers all doing the same thing — and all just as frickin’ irritated as Jones was — he overheard one of the folks in line mention the airport was actually considering closing the restaurant even earlier under a new proposal.

The new model would encourage restaurants to shut down as early as 3PM in the afternoon in light of the fact it’s pretty clear they really don’t want business anyway, and they have no interest in actually meeting the needs of travelers who might actually be hungry and perhaps arrived after the traditional Texas “supper” time.

According to one fellow traveler, they were pretty clear in the proposal, noting an airport spokesperson had said, “We kind of don’t give a shit about travelers anyway and so why would we want to provide food options for them when they need it. Let them eat Fritos!”

The traveler went on to say that the airport had even said, “Sure, our restaurants have some amazing food. Great tacos, and tasty bbq, but why would we actually stay open during times that travelers actually might want/need food? That’s just silly.”

No official date on when the proposal might be implemented was shared, but insiders suggest it could be as early as next week — or even the next shift that the airport restaurants can’t fill because they can’t find any employees that actually want to work.

Stay weird, Austin.