Musk cancels Twitter deal, sets sights on Spirit Airlines next

AUSTIN, TX — After terminating his attempt to buy Twitter, the famed billionaire is setting his sights on a familiar travel company that’s been in the headlines quite a bit lately: Spirit Airlines.

After announcing his intentions to terminate his bid to purchase social media giant Twitter, the billionaire Elon Musk has set his sights on a brand new target and one that’s been in the news quite a bit lately: Spirit Airlines.

https://twitter.com/Reuters/status/1545518869460156416

The beleaguered Spirit Airlines is in the middle of an intense love triangle that involves both Frontier Airlines and JetBlue Airways. After initially agreeing to be acquired by Frontier, JetBlue threw in a late bid, then another, and another, and like 9 more bids in what has appeared to be, thus far, a super-desperate move by an airline attempting to stay relevant.

- JetBlue CEO offers to throw in his Garbage Pail Kids collection in last ditch bid for Spirit

Now, flush with cash, bongs, children, and nothing better to do, Musk is taking a crack at fixing Spirit Airlines. In comments reported by one of his (many) nannies, Musk is quoted as saying, “You know, they just don’t have enough fights on Spirit Airlines anymore. They’ve overrotated so much now that passengers who want to express their freedom of speech through a good ole fashioned screaming match followed by a beatdown can’t anymore without fear of being banned for life. It’s a real shame what the leadership of Spirit has let transpire over the last 4 months.”

Already several tweets have emerged where Musk is floating ideas on how to bring Spirit back to its roots. For example, one idea, which has received over 42,000 retweets already, suggests the airline add a special “Fight Class” section where passengers can strip down to loincloths and go straight “Ed Norton” on each other.

Another idea suggested by the billionaire is that Spirit introduce a “procreation class” fare designed to help repopulate the world

No word on exactly how high the billionaire was when he decided to pursue acquiring Spirit was known, but insiders are suggesting it was “pretty high.”

The post you are reading is…satire.