Salt Lake City airport considers making walk between Terminal A and B even longer

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — The Salt Lake City Airport Advisory Board is considering a new proposal to extend the already lengthy walk between Terminal A and B to even greater lengths.

The Salt Lake City Airport recently completed a much-needed refurbishment. The newly modernized facility is an architectural masterpiece with many of the amenities that modern airports now feature. From open spaces to soaring ceilings, hip new restaurants, improved security checkpoints and so much more, the airport is a gleaming beacon to progress in the rapidly growing Salt Lake City valley.

One area, however, has quickly come to define the new airport, setting it apart from many of its modern contemporaries like LaGuardia Airport in New York. For passengers flying out of Terminal B, the walk from Terminal A to Terminal B is a bit of a hike.

Strike that. It’s a heckuva hike. Passengers must first walk nearly to the end of Terminal A, then descend an escalator before a lengthy hike underneath the airport to Terminal B. The hike is already legendary, clocking in at somewhere between 15 to 20 minutes — assuming you are in good shape and don’t have to stop for medical attention. It’s this feature that the Airport Advisory Board wants to double down on.

Indeed, the Salt Lake City Airport Advisory Board is considering proposals to extend the walk — making it even longer for passengers, allowing them to really lean into their fitness goal at the newly remodeled airport.

Advisory Board chair Stephen Price offered this comment to the press, “Listen, our travelers are telling us they want more. They want it to be longer. Maybe even take out the people movers. We really want to lean into this as THE differentiating feature of our airport.”

According to a report, proposals currently on the table include requiring passengers to do a lap before exiting to Terminal B, simply extending the tunnel another 9 miles underneath the airport before returning to the Terminal B escalators. One proposal that was only briefly considered was requiring passengers to crawl the entire way of the current tunnel.

It’s even rumored that the Salt Lake City Marathon may be able to hold its April event inside the extended terminal walkway.

When asked if the board was considering installing a train — like many other modern airports have done — Vice-Chairperson Teresa Foxely, remarked, “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. We already have a shuttle. Literally, one shuttle, that works for at least 15 minutes a day moving passengers back and forth. Seriously, next question.”

The Takeoff Nap’s reporters stopped to interview an elderly woman who was performing CPR on her husband about halfway through the tunnel to get her take. She offered this, “We get it. We need to work out more. Fair enough. Sure, our 75-year-old knees are a bit rickety, but honestly, this is just like 68 laps around our local mall. We can do it.”

No timetable was shared on when a final decision would be announced, but an advisory board member told our reporters — off the record — a decision was planned as early as yesterday, but sadly, one of the other board members injured her hips walking to the last board meeting which was held in Terminal B and had to be scheduled for emergency surgery.