Space Travel Tips — A humorous look at business travel 300 years from now
It’s the year 2322 and space travel is a part of everyday life. What will that look like? What are the gripes business travelers will face? Will ThePointsGuy still be hawking credit cards? Will FlyerTalk curmudgeons still be complaining about life, the universe and everything else? Find out here.
It’s 2322 & Space Travel is Ubiquitous and Commonplace (which is why you need space travel tips!)
We love Amazon’s (now canceled) Sci-Fi show The Expanse (you should go watch it). There’s a scene in Season 1, Episode 8, where one of the main characters travels to another space station aboard some sort of passenger ship. There are many other travelers aboard including families, business travelers, etc. It immediately reminded us of business travel and got us thinking: what’s the life of a business traveler like in space in say 200 years or so? What are the Space Travel Tips you need to survive and get the most out of your next space trip for business?
- Note: this article was first posted in 2019 on our sister site, the CBoardingGroup, and we’ve dusted it off for our TTN fans and readers.
- Back in 2019, I posed this question to the Reddit community and started putting my creative juices to work. This article is the result. A fun, futuristic look at business travel life in space!
So, let’s set the stage.
It’s the year 2322. Space travel is commonplace. We’ve colonized our solar system and established space stations on the Moon, Mars and numerous asteroid belts throughout our system. The robots haven’t fully taken over yet (thankfully). Elon Musk is still alive, although he’s taken the form of an autonomous vacuum cleaner.
Countless space stations traverse our galaxy. People routinely live their entire lives “in space.” Ships ferry passengers between planets, space stations, asteroids and more.
Business travel is more popular than ever. Business travelers include:
- Salespeople selling spaceship parts, AI systems, digital cranial backups of your consciousness and all kinds of typical items
- Musicians traveling for gigs on faraway planets and stations
- Asteroid miners doing lengthy mining stints before returning home
- Consultants (c’mon…you knew there’d be consultants!)
- Travel Blogger hawking credit cards (you knew they’d be there!) -
Affluent families regularly vacation in places requiring space travel. And the business travelers employing the smartest space travel tips are, of course, travel smoother than everyone!
Space Travel Tips — What you Need to Know to Survive a business trip in space
- Never puke in zero G — it’s not cool bro. It’s a real mess. If you feel nauseous, put on a helmet and puke in there instead.
- When renting a land speeder from National Rent a Ship, don’t forget to get your Plutonium Points.
- Take a quick photo of your land speeder when returning it to Hertz…they are still arresting folks all these years later and you DO NOT want to spend a month on a prison ship.
- When checking in to the Hilton Spaceport Suites on Vesta ask for the upgrade to the Executive Level — it’s got a great view of Jupiter and comes with free gravity boots (don’t forget to ask for daily cleaning…the hotels still aren’t cleaning rooms daily yet).
- When on your 7-month flight to Mars for an hour-long face-to-face meeting with the CEO of Space Haulers, Inc don’t forget to spend some quality time with your kids before you go. They will be a year or two older when you get back and all.
- Never check your bag…yep after all these years, it’s still a good rule, even in space. Always carry it on with you, duh!
- Always get Galactic Pre Check so you can skip the security lines at the spaceport and get on your shuttle that much quicker. No need to wait in line with the refugees fleeing the planet before Elon Musk’s descendants annihilate it.
- Don’t forget to register for the frequent flyer program at Virgin Galactic (yeah, they won the space war). After 18,000,000 miles you can upgrade to first class.
- The Avis Frequent Landspeeder Renter program still sucks…you never get to pick your land speeder and it always smells like some space hauler smoked in it (yes, after 300+ years, Avis is still here and they still SUCK!). Better to go with National Rent-a-Skiff — sometimes you can get upgraded to the Tesla model complete with laser refractor engines and automatic takeoff.
- Be careful with your connection times when connecting through the Moon. They are notorious for delays and getting stuck on Luna could hose you up big time.
- Stop farting on the space shuttle or you might get spaced by the flight attendant robots.
- After traveling through space for 7 months jetlag is brutal! Might wanna hydrate and take a calcium pill.
- Wouldn’t you know it, Marriott Space Hotels got hacked again after allowing unsecured access to their cloud server farm on Mars. Guests should be careful with the hotel’s 19G wifi service. Way to go Marriott. Marriott…still bonvoying us after all these years…
- The Points Guy is now using neural implant chips to sell credit cards. Now, your dreams can literally have affiliate-driven credit card advertisements. Don’t go to sleep!
- Avoid the FlyerTalk forums. While they are still around (like a case of herpes they just won’t go away), it’s still a bit of a cesspool over there. You’ll have better luck on Reddit.
Final Thoughts on Space Travel Tips
We hope you enjoyed this fun, silly, and futuristic look at the life of a business traveler in space. Who knows, maybe some of this will actually be true in the next 300 years.
What do you think? What did we miss?