Spirit Airlines one-ups Frontier, eliminates customer service altogether

Spirit Airlines one-ups Frontier, eliminates customer service altogether

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL — In a tit-for-tat arms race to the bottom, two budget airlines are desperate to see who can provide the worst customer experience. After watching Frontier Airlines cut its customer service line, Spirit played its ace card by eliminating customer service altogether.

After the ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines recently eliminated its customer service phone line, Spirit Airlines found itself on the back foot in the ongoing war to the cheapest and least effective customer service in the business.

Frontier’s bold move caught Spirit execs off guard as it was announced over the Thanksgiving holiday. In a late night meeting the Spirit board met quickly and arrived at a decision in record time: the complete and total elimination of not only their customer service phone line but also customer service entirely. Literally all customer service of any form.

Spirit Airlines COO Dave Dumpling offered a respectful hat tip in the direction of Frontier who chose to make the move during the busiest travel week of the year as millions traveled for the Thanksgiving holiday. “I respect the balls on Frontier to make a move like that at a time like that. Well played.”

Dumpling went on to outline that under Spirit’s plan employees will be rewarded for “being a bit of a dick” to customers. Schedulers who cancel flights on critical routes during peak travel holiday periods will earn critical extra points towards promotions and baggage handlers who lose greater than 19% of the luggage they load will earn additional days off.

Industry experts were complimentary of Spirit’s new strategy, suggesting that it could help them leapfrog over Frontier in a race to the bottom of the industry. However, it’s unlikely the move would allow Spirit to supplant American Airlines who remains firmly ensconced in first position having eliminated customer service long, long ago.

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